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Dear White Old GOP Men - go fuck off

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Posted on May 15 2019


Places to never visit, live or work



Listen I’m not a bra burning liberal, I’d consider myself more of a Moderate “liberal”..but I have had it with White Old Rich Men legislating what an American Woman can do with their uterus. Insofar as infringing upon various Constitutional Right  and legal precedents. Frankly, It is bullshit and yet another reason why patriarchy is foul. But this? Yes she can go get bent over a rusty iron gate. Full Stop.



Governor Ivey and her legion of White Old Rich Men, who are nothing but bible thumping, wife cheating, hypocrites who can literally go un-fuck themselves. Hard. Because fuck you is too good for them, hence they can go in-fuck themselves.



Bill Text: AL HB314 | 2019


Personally speaking I hope all of these men submit to a cough & turn finger examination before their Doctors decide write a new prescription or authorizes a refill of their Viagra or Cialis. Oh you don’t think that’s appropriate? You think that kind of medical examination is too invasive? Boo Hoo do you think rape victims, incest victims and less fortunate women feel that in 2019 your state approved (a likely) unconstitutional all ban on abortion. 

Of the 25+ White Old Rich GOP men who wrote this bill and then voted for it...I’m going out on a limb by asserting: statically speaking there’s a >80% chance that some of these “God Fearing” Ultra “Christian Conservative” Men have a mistress or two.I’m also pretty sure at least one of these men paid for an abortion.

NOT. A. SINGLE. FEMALE. VOTE. But frankly, who needs it given a female Governor signed this onerous law. 

Also since the Judicial Crisis Network is a pet project of mine, I’m also willing to wager Leo “Satan himself” Leonard probably gave “strategic consulting” on the verbiage of this bill. Why? Because the Judicial Crisis Network spent TENS of MILLIONS of dollars to effectively buy TWO SCOTUS Seats: Gorsuch Seat Bart O’Kavanaugh Brett Kavanaugh Volume 1

Personally speaking I might be a tad bit busy looking into each of these GOP “Legislators” because I’m all but certain that in this misogynistic group of  “men” there just  might be a hypocrite or 20..I’m serious why does the “precious gift of life” seem to supersede a woman’s Constitutional Right to her life and her liberty. And why is it these “conservatives” only care when the zygote is occupying a woman’s uterus but the moment that child is born these very same men have nothing but contempt if said mother and child need a “hand up”...



In fact I’d actually be totally okay if these Alabamian Legislators became impotent...indefinitely and that their current wives and mistresses decide to no longer claim them. And for good measure if any of these “men” have daughters, I hope that they take each of their fathers to task for this offensive assault on Women’s Reproductive Rights.

Hey Siri is being an misogynistic douche canoe a “pre-existing” condition?

Oh..Siri can you please explain why so many GOP Men hate women this much?

One last question - Siri how soon can you order & ship a truck load of “gummy dicks” to each of these Alabama Lawmakers?




This bill would make abortion and attempted abortion felony offenses except in cases where abortion is necessary in order to prevent a serious health risk to the unborn child's mother. This bill would provide that a woman who receives an abortion will not be held criminally culpable or civilly liable for receiving the

Amendment 621 of the Constitution of Alabamaof 1901, now appearing as Section 111.05 of the Official Recompilation of the Constitution of
Alabama of 1901, as amended, prohibits a general law whose purpose or effect would be to require a new or increased expenditure of local funds from becoming effective with regard to a local governmental entity without enactment by a 2/3 vote unless: it comes within one of a number of specified exceptions; it is approved by the affected entity; or the Legislature appropriates funds, or provides a local source o revenue, to the entity for the purpose.

The purpose or effect of this bill would be to require a new or increased expenditure of local funds within the meaning of the amendment. However, the bill does not require approval of a local governmental entity or enactment by a 2/3 vote to become effective because it comes within one of the specified exceptions contained in the amendment.


You can read the full bill here. The “Human Life Protection Act,” prohibits all abortions ( even in the case of rape and incest) except when “abortion is necessary in order to prevent a serious health risk” to the woman. Also doctors who perform any abortion,  under this new law would face felony charges and a maximum of 99 years in prison.


I am very happy to see the ACLU jumping into the fray:




Alabama ALL Abortion Ban...



I for one am so sick of watching Women’s Rights that our Mothers and Grandmothers fought so hard for, being constantly under threat by White Older Rich GOP Men and Women. Many of whom, think they know far better as it relates to Women’s Health, especially reproductive health. Who knew that being born a woman in America is now a “pre-existing” condition?  And those God fearing bible thumping “conservatives” have the gall to expect, actually demand “women shall submit to their will” - gee who knew 2019 was more like 1959.

Moreover it is astounding to me that the same “precious life” (of which a zygote isn’t medically viable until >22 weeks) must be protected at all cost. But as soon as that baby is born, these same (literally and figuratively) mother-fuckers then hold the utmost contempt for the mother and child that may need a helping hand aka social welfare programs.


Alabama by the numbers


So take a guess where Alabama Education ranks of all 50 of “these United States”? Dead freaking last, yes you are reading that correctly Alabama ranks 50 in Education ...this is me golf clapping at your mendacity...



What about Alabama’s Economy? Just take a guess where Alabama’s Economy but specifically their GDP’s #47 out of all 50 states

What do you think Alabama ranks with respect to Healthcare? They come in at #46 out of  50 states. Their Public Healthcare is for shit, kind of like their State Legislators and current Governor, they are all so full of shit that their eyes are brown. 



In fact according to the most recent US News & World Report overall Alabama ranks 49 out of 50 states. 

This interactive graph from WalletHub might be one of the better datasets. It ranks Alabama #2 as dependent upon Federal Funding. Gee...I wonder why?

Source: WalletHub


According to the 2018 Dataset from America’s Health Ranking Alabama isn’t exactly the best place to live, work or raise a family 


  • High prevalence of obesity
  • High cardiovascular death rate
  • Lower rate of mental health providers

Health Highlights for Alabama:

  • In the past six years, obesity increased 13% from 32.0% to 36.3% of adults
  • In the past five years, drug deaths increased 26% from 12.2 to 15.4 deaths per 100,000 population
  • In the past 15 years, air pollution decreased 46% from 15.6 to 8.4 micrograms of fine particles per cubic meter
  • In the past year, HPV immunization among males aged 13 to 17 increased 36% from 24.7% to 33.7%
  • In the past three years, the percentage uninsured decreased 28% from 12.9% to 9.3% of the population
  • In the past six years, diabetes increased 19% from 11.8% to 14.1%


The only part of Alabama I’ve ever visited and tolerated are their Gulf Beaches but it’s about as racist as they come. A few years ago my family and I had the misfortune of accidentally going in to Alabama by way of Beau Rivage Casino. Truth be told I got lost and I refused to let my other half know I was lost.

When some beer-belly, wife beater redneck asshole told me “to go back to my Country”, mind you that was in a Piggly Wiggly parking lot.

🌶SpicyFiles Sidebar🌶 If you’ve ever had Piggly Wiggly’s fried chicken then you’d know it’s probably one of the 8th wonders of the world.

I turned around and I believe my exact retort was: “listen here bubba, this is my Country and by the looks of things I’m pretty sure my English far better than yours. So why don’t you do yourself a favor and walk away before you get knocked out by a petite chick” wit he turned to my spouse and said “you better check your wife”...bad move Bubba.  That was the last and only time I’ve ever been in Alabama. In general I do not tolerate stupid, at all. 


And because I’m an equal opportunity critic a few years ago my own state lost their ever-loving minds with their own Abortion Bill cost the General Assembly and the RPVA a hefty political it should cost Alabama too.


I still maintain it’s amazing to me that dozens of Older (sometimes) Wealthy White Dudes think they know what a woman’s uterus needs. I should also disclose my firm encourages pro-bono work and I can tell you is from first hand experience  no woman “wants” an abortion. Just as no woman “wants” to be raped. No woman or child should be forced to carry a pregnancy that is the product of rape or incest. But all women should have to right to make a deeply personal Medical Decision absent undue political influence. I should also probably Disclose that my children are adopted and I thank God that their birth mothers opted to give birth to them, so I could be their mother. But I still maintain it’s a conundrum to me that apparently “life” starts at conception and the radical Right continue to “fight for life: but as soon as that baby is born where are those “defenders of life”?

Dear GOP & Alabama - sit on it & spin 

-Spicy Out...for now. ps many thanks to Eric “game theory guy” Garland for the picture it’s peeeerfect and me lurves it, bigly.

 ps you may want to review the January 2019 Guffmacher Institute Abortion Report.  

Based on their dataset the Institute found:

Approximately 926,200 abortions were performed in 2014, down 12% from 1.06 million in 2011. In 2014, some 1.5% of women aged 15–44 had an abortion. Just under half of these women (45%) reported having a previous abortion.

The abortion rate in 2014 was 14.6 abortions per 1,000 women aged 15–44, down 14% from 16.9 per 1,000 in 2011. This is the lowest rate ever observed in the United States; in 1973, the year abortion became legal, the rate was 16.3.


 According to the Guffmacher Institute Alabama Abortion Factsheet:


“ were 9 abortion-providingfacilities in Alabama in 2014, and 5 of those were clinic  these numbers represent a 13% increase since 2011 in overall providers,and a 17% decline in clinics from 2011, when there were 8 abortion providers overall, of which 6 were clinics.”


STOP. THE. MADNESS. Why on earth would Alabama approve such an onerous bill. It is disgusting..


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  • Denise Louise : May 16, 2019

    And now add my Missouri to the list of known a$$hole Republicans (yeah I know we already knew that). They passed their equally horrible bill in the wee hours this morning. Thanks for all you do Spicy! I count on all of patriots to keep me going every day.

  • Derek McKnight: May 16, 2019

    Awesome blog!

  • Sheila: May 15, 2019

    If Alabama is, essentially, making women involuntary embryo foster moms, shouldn’t the women be entitled to the same? Medicaid coverage for the embryo (prenatal care), housing subsidy, etc. Maybe Elizabeth Warren draft a Handmaid’s Bill for women that live in states that require involuntary embryo foster homing.

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