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Brett...we need to talk

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Posted on September 17 2018

Full disclosure none of this gives me satisfaction...none of it.


”no big deal, boys being boys, locker room talk”


With the recent sexual assault allegations being made against Donald Trump’s Supreme Court Nominee Brett Kavanaugh, it sort of feels like Groundhog Day, redux. Yet oddly I am not the least bit surprised. Why? Because a few weeks before the November 2016 Presidential Election, America...actually the world heard with their own ears. Where we heard Donald Trump literally bragging about sexual assault:


I did try to fuck her...she was married...Nancy...I moved on her like a bitch..I  get some tick tacs just in case I start kissing her...I’m automatically attracted to beautiful women...I don’t even wait...when you’re a star. You can do anything..Grab them by the can do anything...”


Yet even in the face of the single most disqualifying and disgraceful “locker room talk” some 60+ million Americans voted for Trump. That was AFTER nearly a dozen and half women came forward, using their REAL names and sharing their truth about Donald Trump’s sexual assault. You still voted for him. You the people who voted for Donald Trump forever lowered the qualifications of the once venerable and respected Office of the President of the United States of America. The GOP figuratively and literally crawled into bed with a man who paid mistresses hush money. Who’s a thrice married father of 5 children from 3 separate wives. Your claim to the Party of Family Values is revoked, forthwith and in perpetuity.

The GOP acronym should be the:


Grabbers of Pussy

Gang of Perverts

Groupies of Putin


Oh that offends you? Well let me tell YOU what offends me...Brett Kavanaugh the new Clarence Thomas. 

It goes without saying that this feels like Clarence Thomas 2.0. Where Ms. Anita Hill faced a hostel ALL male Senate panel. No one was there to back her up. To voice support for her stunning courage and bravery. She was alone.  All by herself. The eyes and ears of our Country firmly fixed on the TV or Radio as she began to testify. Ms. Hill has more courage and bravery than all the GOP Senators combined. These very same members of Congress and the Public then proceeded to “go scorched earth” they publicly annihilated Ms Hill’s credibility and stooped to the gutter to smear her. Yet she persisted. 

And yes I can admit that then Senator Joe Biden truly disappointed me. Nonetheless in recent years former VP Biden acknowledged how he was wrong and has since apologized for his treatment of Ms. Hill. 


The archaic thinking that “she deserved it” or “she wanted it, look at what she was wearing” or “boys will be boys”...”teenage boys are horny”... you do understand that those narratives are aspects of “rape culture” where women are objectified. Below is a standard list of what numerous scholars define as Rape Culture:


Blaming the victim (“She asked for it!”)

Trivializing sexual assault (“Boys will be boys!”)

Sexually explicit jokes

Tolerance of sexual harassment

Inflating false rape report statistics

Publicly scrutinizing a victim’s dress, mental state, motives, and history

Gratuitous gendered violence in movies and television

Defining “manhood” as dominant and sexually aggressive

Defining “womanhood” as submissive and sexually passive

Pressure on men to “score”

Pressure on women to not appear “cold”

Assuming only promiscuous women get raped

Assuming that men don’t get raped or that only “weak” men get raped

Refusing to take rape accusations seriously

Teaching women to avoid getting raped


 According to the Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistic December 2017 Report 


Sexual assault - A wide range of victimizations, separate from rape or attempted rape.  These crimes include attacks or attempted attacks generally involving unwanted sexual contact between victim and offender.  Sexual assaults may or may not involve force and include such things as grabbing or fondling.  It also includes verbal threats.

Victims may not report a victimization for a variety of reasons, including fear of reprisal or getting
the of f ender in trouble, believing that police would not or could not do anything to help, and believing the crime to be a personal issue or too trivial to report.


In 2014 a Special Report was commissioned an almost two decade study of sexual assault and victimization, you should read this report:


1995–2013, females ages 18 to 24 had the highest rate of rape and sexual assault victimizations
compared to females in all other age groups. Within the 18 to 24 age group, victims could be identif i ed as students enrolled in a college, university, trade school or vocational school or as nonstudents. Among student victims, 20% of rape and sexual assault victimizations were reported to police, compared to 32% reported among nonstudent victims ages 18 to 24

...specifically  mentions incidents in which the victim was unable to provide consent due to drug or alcohol use; forced to penetrate another person; or coerced to engage in sexual contact


Let me tell you right now, I am a mom who is raising a “boy”. When my son was a toddler other parents didn’t understand my strenuous objections to “aw how cute he should kiss her”...I repeatedly explained to other parents. No my son shouldn’t kiss or hug you daughter unless, my son asks for permission and receives it. Of course my reaction was viewed as extreme but as a parent it is my job to raise decent kiddos.

One day a fellow mom at my son’s daycare pulled me aside and asked me: “why are you so against your son showing other girls/boys affection”...I had to take a deep breath before I responded. This mom had no way of knowing the amount of pro bono hours I’ve worked helping sexual assault victims. Seeing first hand how the heinous acts of sexual assault and the brutality of the assault can forever alter a course of a person’s life. She had no clue what it was like holding the hand of a survivor, all while their body trembled, often uncontrollably with tears quietly streaming down her face, as Doctors, Nurses and Law Enforcement carefully examined her. These professionals often work with such incredible delicacy to obtain as much evidence as possible. This mom had zero concept of what it was like seeing a woman shattered, flinching anytime someone tried to show her tenderness or care. She had not a single clue.

By the end of the conversation I explained to this mom:  if we, our generation of parents wants to effectuate change, by rejecting the acceptable “Rape Culture” it would mean that those of us who are raising sons carry the responsibility of changing societal norms. Meaning that yes, my then toddler son was (and still is) required to ask if he can hug someone. That’s not me trying to deprive my child of affection. This is me understanding my responsibility as a mom to do better to raise a (hopefully) more respectful young man. He is required to stand up for those who are being bullied. If he sees someone hurting a girl or boy, I expect him to intervene and render aide. I don’t know if this will impact him as a teenager or as a young man, but goddamnit I hope it does, in a good way.

My goal is to raise a respectful young man. That he knows and respects a woman’s right to say no. That no matter what society says, it is incumbent upon him to understand, that  women are equal his equal and they should be treated as such. With any hope my kid will not be a Donald Trump or Brett Kavanaugh or Brock Turner. Rape and sexual assaults are heinous crimes rooted in power.


With respect to Dr Ford and Judge Kavanaugh, I believe Dr Ford. I don’t know if you understand the courage and bravery she has exhibited. It is nothing short of remarkable.  But here’s something else that you need to keep in mind, sexual assault victims often take years and decades to come forward. The notion of speaking your truth, is terrifying to the point it is paralyzing. Someone leaked Dr. Ford’s Confidential letter to the Intercept. Reporters started calling Dr Ford, her coworkers and her family. Frankly I would like to see an investigation into who leaked this letter to the Intercept. Within <24 hours of the leak, a letter in support of Judge Kavanaugh has 65 signatories. There is no way a letter can be drafted, circulated and signed by 65 women in <24 hours, especially in the DC area. 



Fast forward to this morning more details emerged, specifically a clearer timeline of events. Dr Ford notified the Washington Post in early July, before Kavanaugh was officially named as a Supreme Court Nominee. 



Yet within hours of Dr Ford putting her actual name on the accusations, she was annihilated on social media, doxed and predictably the Alt Right & Ultra-Conservative Media began to smear her. This is classic victim-shaming. The vulgar reaction towards Dr Ford and feverishly amplified by numerous high profile media personalities was a real-time exhibit A-ZZZ of why most survivors are incredibly reluctant to come forward. Again it’s like Anita Hill but on steroids. 

Here are some facts about Brett Kavanaugh, he has a serious credibility problem and has way more baggage than a 777. Between the numerous false statements made during his testimony, the 2007 Senate Criminal DOJ referral, the highly questionable finances, as detailed in this twitter thread below: 


But the biggest issue? His unilateral full throated denial of this sexual assault. Judge Kavanugh essentially said Dr Ford is a liar. The assault never happened. Which is ironic given Kavanaugh’s own trouble with the truth, particularly under oath. Yet some how the Senate GOP’s stance is to fast track his the highest court in our Country, that alone should give you considerable pause. And maybe I’m alone but I’d like to know that a Supreme Court Justice isn’t financially irresponsible, or an ideologically activist judge, or a liar or a sexual assaulter.

At the end of the day, the reality is Donald “grab them by the Pussy” Trump nominated Kavanaugh and Mitch McConnell is fast tracking his confirmation process. The irony is not lost on me



Although I genuinely wonder what the GOP Senate would do, if President Obama’s:

Campaign Chairman pleaded guilty to a host of crimes and is a cooperating witness.

Campaign Chairman Deputy, pleaded guilty to crimes and is a cooperating witness.

His former Personal Attorney pleaded guilty to crimes, in his allocution in Open Court stated the current president is an un-indicted co-conspirator to at least two federal crimes...although the level of cooperation is still TBD.

His former National Security Advisor pleaded guilty and is a cooperating witness.

His former campaign foreign policy advisor pleaded guilty, barely cooperated and was sentenced to 14 days in jail.

And had numerous Cabinet Secretaries resigned under a crushing cloud of ethics investigation with a historically high turn overrate of White House Staffers. The reality is we all know the Senate GOP would need to be pulled off the ceiling, yet some how it’s totally fine to confirm all of Donald Trump’s judicial nominees and ignore the facts. Like stone cold facts...because MAGA -Spicy Out.

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